Like everyone I HAD A DREAM. I would grow up into a fine woman; a capable the one who can lead, an independent one at young age show this world that a girl can be also be the Son that my parentas never had. I wanted to be someone that the movies shows being young , beautiful, working hard and earning . My version of me in my thoughts was never real . Its hard that competing in this world . Though i do not know any strugggles
  This is me complaing without even trying. Because this is me a failure who is afraid of trying anything new. Now even afraid of talking to people. Learning that the people who were helped by your parents never really cared about them after they got their way. They never looked back and thanked my parents for their help and never did they help us in trouble. This world is cruel. The friends whom I had thought meant world to me said they hated me in my face. the help they never seem to appreciate.I remember each time you helped me. And will never forget and cherish unlike you.
  I would say I donot understand people as they do not show real them. For one time I think we are close and the second they change their and I dont even recognize them. They change their word, thoughts. I get this chill in my entire body that i dont get the sme warmth from them like previously. Their frienship change. Or is it me who is same to all. I cannot change my behavior with each of them. I act same with everyone. Why should be different ?
Well this is me. This has always been me. If i change i dont think i will like myself anymore. Well i dont like myself sometimes but i think that haplens with everyone one a while. Or will it be only me.

I guess change is good but changing is hrd for me. Or is it because i have never tried changing. For me, any new thing is difficult but once i get hang of it its easiest for me than the one's who were used to. But change with things is easir rather with changing my behavior . Sometimes i ask why cant i be like other . I want to try changing me. But i think i qould not like it . Its not that i didnt try. Its that i tried and i didnt like it. But i dont like the current me. I want to see myself heading the correct path.